I scored 100% on my first basic accounting test last week. I didn't score so well on my depression test..

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm spent. I'm done. I hate that I give and give and give to a cause that has given up: my work. See, I work for a massage school which has a great reputation. I am the Director of Financial Aid. I can make decisions which can make or break the school. That being said, the former Director made decisions that could have broken the school. The Feds saw this, and came through in November with a complete Program Review of all the FA processes. I took over the financial aid department in September, 2005, and the Program Review for the previous 2.5 years was announced one month after I took over. We weren't surprised by the announcement…we were surprised by the findings and repercussions. Let's just say that I didn't sign on for what I'm dealing with now when I accepted the position. Things have changed, for the worse. It's wicked. I cried due to work today for the very first time since I was fired from my very first job with Curtis Mathis when I was 17 because the one-legged cunt decided she could log all my floor-sales for herself.

I also feel helpless. We have debt. We have car payments, credit cards, etc. I can't just “walk away” from this job because it is a paycheck.

I wish I could lament and be all “I sold my soul for some nice things…”, but I can't. When I accepted my position, we were supposed to be “watched” by the Feds for no more than 3 or 4 months. That has since been extended indefinitely, and at no fault of the school. It was a policy change enacted by the Feds while our school was in a probationary period.

I can't continue like this. For those who are familiar with financial aid, our school is on Heightened Cash Reimbursement 3. The short version: I have to review, copy and spreadsheet EVERY SINGLE STUDENT who is eligible to receive financial aid AFTER they have completed their eligible payment period…every 30 to 45 days. This started July, 2005 and has continued. It was supposed to end 1/2006. Our school was only supposed to have 3 periods of review (3-5 months). However, it now seems that we are indefinitely subject to this.

It's not my calling to continually bail out schools who can't get their fucking act together and abide by the rules. Nor is it my responsibility to continue with the current situation where the Owner and his wife, who is also the Director, aren't talking and are continually YELLING at each other every time there is something to discuss. For Fuck's Sake, they're supposed to be professionals.

Now, the Director (wife) has decided she's abandoning her post. She's done. The school is almost bankrupt and I'm expected to continue with my duties without her support. Currently, she's off to Phoenix, AZ, to her 1.85 MILLION DOLLAR house to resolve an issue with the landscapers. FUCK YOU!

Not to mention that yesterday this “director” spent over 4 hours in an email debate with one of our admin staff over a fucking $10 discount for a faculty member for a promised fitness reimbursement, which is a benefit afforded to all employees…

Now, we had an audit which was due last Friday to the Feds. Needless to say, the audit didn't get submitted in time, as it was not submitted last year on time. The fucktard Director hired the SAME LAME “auditor” who submitted the audit THREE MONTHS LATE. This late submission is part of the reason why we're under such close scrutiny by the Dept. of Ed. The other part is that both the former Controller and Director of Financial Aid that she hired were, in fact, either stealing money from the company or ignoring all the regulations in favor of whichever of their many personalities decided to wake up on a particular day.

*growl*

I'm done. I wish I could quit. I've enrolled part-time in online community college to get a degree…let's not go there on the degree issue, that's an entirely different and deeper story…

Meantime, I don't know what to do…